So here it is, our ultimate and totally honest guide to the post wedding blues, featuring real life quotes and some practical advice on how to prepare for post wedding feelings. We ran a poll over on our Instagram stories on how many of our followers suffered from the post wedding blues, and in all honesty I was surprised that the majority of those that voted said they had indeed experienced the post wedding blues. If this was an accurate representation of the population of newlyweds (which of course from my own small poll I cannot quantify), that equals a heck of a lot of couples feeling down after their wedding day. This makes me so sad. Why? Well I see a wedding as quite frankly, one hell of a party to kick start a beautiful new marriage. So the question is why are couples feeling like this? And what can you do to help yourself from feeling this way? I have put together some of my own musings on the post wedding blues and some ideas to help combat them.
Why Do Couples Suffer From The Post Wedding Blues?
As I see it, the post wedding blues can manifest for many a reason. But I think for many couples, the wedding planning itself rather than just the wedding day, is the major contributor. I remember when I got engaged way back when in 2008, I was so excited about the prospect of wedding planning. There are films dedicated to wedding planning (hello Father of the Bride and The Wedding Planner), which I grew up watching, I’d walk past the magazine aisle and look adoringly at these glossy wedding magazines, pause for a little too long outside that bridal boutique window and think about how it could be me one day.
But full low-down, I was never the girl that dreamed of her wedding day. To be honest I didn’t know if I’d ever be lucky enough to meet my soul mate. But wedding planning if you meet ‘the one’ and the whole experience of it has changed hugely over the years. Weddings have become a whole life event, to look forward to, to dream about, to involve everyone you adore. From dress and suit shopping, venue visiting, wedding shows, hen and stag evenings and weekends, craft nights, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, after parties, you get the gist. It is of course totally wonderful if it’s your thing.
I hear of many couples planning over a span of up to a couple of years in advance and that’s a long time to dedicate your spare time and your spare thoughts to. It can become all consuming, all exciting, all anticipation. Each wedding planning stage has a new aspect to plan or look forward to, so what happens when all those years, months, days and evenings wedding planning come to and end? You can feel like you have a lot of spare time on your hands and quite possibly not having something to look forward to and plan in the future. Of course, there could be other reasons for feeling the post wedding blues, perhaps something went wrong on the day? You have major wedding regrets. There was a family/friend fall out, or it just didn’t live up to expectations. Whatever the reason for feeling blue post wedding, here is our step by step guide to avoiding the blues and ways to help you move on from all things wedding. I must firstly say though, that if you are struggling, please go and see your GP for professional help.
Manage Your Expectations
Oh it’s just so easy to get carried away when wedding planning, I totally get it. It’s easy to build up your wedding to have to be the best day of your life. But why? What if the best day of your life is just an ordinary, happy and chilled out kind of Sunday? Yes of course, you hope it to be a happy, joy filled and romantic event. But don’t get caught up in building pressure upon yourself, to then come crashing down if it doesn’t meet the high standards of one of the best days ever. I mean how do you even measure happiness and good times? Go with the flow. If your wedding happens to turn out as your best day ever, then that is just a bonus.
Remember Why You Are Getting Married
Don’t loose sight on why you are totally loved up with your soul mate in the first place. Your wedding is just for one day, your marriage is about a lifetime together. Focus on aspects such as memory making, so personal touches like music choices, personalised vows and readings that you can relive together in years to come. Not to mention ensuring you have amazing wedding photography and film to look back on with fond memories you can treasure. It’s not all about small details and colour schemes, it’s about those vows and becoming a married couple. Try to plan your wedding together too, it makes it a joint process and will help you to go through it all as one.
Make A Plan
Have a plan for what you want to do after the wedding. Both short and long term. Now this isn’t something for everyone, but if you want something to look forward to and a new project then talk about this together. It will also be nice to have a break from the wedding talk too folks!
Short Term Plan
Think about having a post wedding meet up with your loved ones, a breakfast, lunch, BBQ, drinks, a way to talk down from the events of your wedding. Or head off straight away on a mini moon or honeymoon to enjoy that post wedding newlywed bubble, I found it to be the loveliest feeling ever, being a wife, having a husband and a new name too! It is a novelty for sure and made me smile each time I said all of the above. Make the most of that feeling and make your travels an extension of your wedding day.
You could also delay opening your cards and gifts (if you are lucky enough to be in receipt of them) for after the honeymoon. The same goes for your guest book messages and special touches you may have organised on the day. We actually read our Jenga guest book on our first year anniversary, which was super lovely. This sounds silly, but think about giving your house a good clean up before your wedding, the last thing you want to do is come back from your dream honeymoon to a messy pad. Not quite what you want to be doing in the days before your wedding, but it will make things feel lovely when you return home. Also think about having a couple of days off of work after your honeymoon, it will give you a breather before going full force back into normality. Have a couple of lazy days, to relax, sort and catch up. Also be sure to add a date in your diary to hand write those thank you notes, it will be sure to give you that warm fuzzy feeling.
Long Term Plan
What are your hopes and dreams together as a married couple? Discuss it and think about what’s next for you both. Perhaps it’s starting a family, or buying a new home or renovating your home, it could be a new career or a simply creating a list of fun experiences or to do’s. Of course, you don’t need to set into concrete what comes next, but having an idea of what is to come and things to look forward to can help you move on from the wedding planning. Book in that concert or experience, vow to start looking into that new project after the wedding.
Being open about your feelings and talking about them to others always helps. Talk to your other half, your family, your friends, it’s cliché but a problem shared is a problem halved. I like to write a journal to get my feelings out on paper which always helps, or why not start a new blog or Instagram account for fun? Whatever you do just be honest and share your feelings with someone you trust. As I said before, if you feel it’s getting unmanageable please do see your GP to get professional help.
If you do suffer from the post wedding blues, don’t feel like you’ve failed. It’s not a contest and it’s a totally understandable feeling. It will pass and you will move forward from it.
Real Post Wedding Experiences
My own experience. Louise Baltruschat Hollis – Author and Director of Whimsical Wonderland Weddings
Luckily the post wedding blues didn’t affect me. Long story short, our wedding was cancelled 6 weeks before hand back in 2010, due to panic attacks and anxiety I was suffering with. Fast forward 5 years and we tied the knot in a secret ceremony in the woods (3 years ago in fact now!). So the relief and euphoria I felt post wedding didn’t end for a good couple of months. I was just over the moon to be a wife and Mrs Hollis finally. We tied the knot on our 10 year anniversary, so it was certainly a long time coming. I think it also helped that I didn’t want a hen do or any big deal surrounding our day, no one knew about it and we planned the ceremony within about 4 weeks. We then planned our after party with all our nearest and dearest within 3 weeks of the ceremony. We didn’t want to hang around so I wouldn’t get stressed or anxious.
Olivia – WWW Real Bride
The post wedding blues is an actual thing people! It’s really natural though to feel a bit down post wedding. I remember shedding a tear or two the following day when saying good bye to my family. The day was so perfect in every way, I didn’t want it to end. The best medicine for both of us (and our 1 year old son) was to get away. We pre booked a beautiful barn conversion overlooking the sea in Cornwall. It was really remote so we could spend quality time together as a family to process what has just happened. Make sure you give yourself time. Time to talk about the day, time to remember the little bits and time to get back to normality.
Jade – WWW Facebook Group Member
We decided to have a mini moon straight after the wedding for a couple of days and then to have our proper honeymoon a couple of months after. That way we could keep the excitement going (mini moon, getting our photos back, changing my name on my passport, going on our honeymoon and now we are waiting for our wedding video) because I think if I had done everything all in one go, as soon as I got back from it, I’d be so sad its all officially over. I planned my wedding for so long and now there’s nothing left to plan, I feel so lost haha. So starting to concentrate on other things like decorating the house or planning for Christmas has helped me
Stacey – WWW Facebook Group Member
How could I have the blues after having the most perfect day of my whole life?! My wedding day went even better than I ever dreamed it could, it was magical from start to finish, I am so happy I now have those memories to treasure forever rather than the anxiety and stress of wondering if it will go well!
Yes I would love to relive it but ultimately I am just so grateful for the most amazing day spent with all the people I love!
We also still have our honeymoon and video to look forward to…we got our photos at the weekend and I am really enjoying going back through them again and again!
Jody – WWW Facebook Group Member
We got married in March and the time has flown by, there doesn’t seem to have been a chance to get the blues. I think carrying on with being busy has been a great way to see them off. I also had a good friend getting married in September so we got to help them which kept the whole wedding training rolling.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences guys! If you’d like to share your own experience, please do leave a comment below.
I hope this feature has helped you in any small way. Congratulations if you are recently married and all the best for a wonderful wedding day if you are in the midst of wedding planning xo Lou