By Louise Baltruschat Hollis
So here it is, my ultimate and totally honest guide to the post-wedding blues. Featuring real-life quotes and some practical advice on how to prepare for post-wedding feelings.
I ran a poll over on my Instagram stories on how many of my followers suffered from the post-wedding blues, and in all honesty, I was surprised that the majority of those that voted said they had indeed experienced the post-wedding blues.
If this was an accurate representation of the population of newlyweds (which of course from my own small poll I cannot quantify), that equals a heck of a lot of couples feeling down after their wedding day.
If you are feeling blue after your wedding, you are not alone. It’s completely natural and normal after all things wedding has consumed so much of your life for the past months you’ve been planning.
So the question is why do newly married couples feel blue? And what can you do to help yourself from feeling this way? I have put together some of my own musings on the post-wedding blues and some ideas to help combat them.
The post-wedding blues can manifest for many a reason. But for many couples, the wedding planning itself rather than just the wedding day is a major contributor. It’s no surprise that after dreaming of your wedding day growing up when it’s all finished you can be left feeling a little lost. Not to mention all the spare time you get back when wedding planning has been completed and the day has passed.
I remember when I got engaged way back when in 2008, I was so excited about the prospect of wedding planning. There are films dedicated to wedding planning (hello Father of the Bride and The Wedding Planner), which I grew up watching.
I’d walk past the magazine aisle and look adoringly at these glossy wedding magazines. Pause for a little too long outside that bridal boutique window and think about how it could be me one day. But full low-down, I was never really the girl that dreamed of her wedding day. To be honest I didn’t know if I’d ever be lucky enough to meet my soul mate.
But if you meet ‘the one’ the whole experience of wedding planning has changed hugely over the years. Weddings have become a whole life event, to look forward to, to dream about, to involve everyone you adore.
From dress and suit shopping, venue visiting, wedding shows, hen and stag evenings and weekends, craft nights, rehearsal dinners, engagement parties, and after parties, you get the gist. It is of course totally wonderful if it’s your thing. Wedding planning takes up a lot of time.
Many couples plan their wedding over a span of up to 2 or 3 years in advance and that’s a long time to dedicate your spare time and your spare thoughts to. It can become all-consuming, all exciting, all anticipation.
Each wedding planning stage has a new aspect to plan or look forward to, so what happens when all those years, months, days and evenings of wedding planning come to an end? You can feel like you have a lot of spare time on your hands and quite possibly not have something to look forward to and plan in the future.
Of course, there could be other reasons for feeling the post-wedding blues, perhaps something went wrong on the day? You have major wedding regrets. There was a family/friend fallout, or it just didn’t live up to expectations.
Whatever the reason for feeling blue post-wedding, here is a step-by-step guide to avoiding the blues in the first place and ways to help you move on from all things wedding if you are feeling low.
Firstly, if you are struggling, please do seek professional help.
Oh, it’s just so easy to get carried away when wedding planning, I totally get it. It’s easy to build up your wedding to have to be the best day of your life. But why?
What if the best day of your life is just an ordinary, happy and chilled-out kind of Sunday? Yes, of course, you hope it to be a happy, joy-filled and romantic event. But don’t get caught up in building pressure upon yourself, to then come crashing down if it doesn’t meet your high standards of one of the best days ever.
I mean how do you even measure happiness and good times? Go with the flow. If your wedding happens to turn out as your best day ever, then that is just a bonus.
Don’t lose sight of why you are totally loved up with your soul mate in the first place. Your wedding is just for one day, your marriage is about a lifetime together.
Focus on aspects such as memory-making, so personal touches like music choices, personalised vows and readings that you can relive together in years to come. Not to mention ensuring you have amazing wedding photography and film to look back on with fond memories you can treasure.
It’s not all about small details and colour schemes, it’s about those vows and becoming a married couple.
Things To Enjoy Post-Wedding
It can also be helpful to spread out these post-wedding milestones, rather than doing everything within a couple of days,
Try to plan your wedding together too, it makes it a joint process and will help you to go through it together, as one.
Have a plan for what you want to do after the wedding. Both short and long term.
Now, this isn’t something for everyone, but if you want something to look forward to and a new project then talk about this together now. It will also be nice to have a break from the wedding talk too!
Think about having a post-wedding meet-up with your loved ones, a breakfast, lunch, BBQ, drinks, a way to talk down from the events of your wedding. Or head off straight away on a mini-moon or honeymoon to enjoy that post-wedding newlywed bubble.
I found it to be the loveliest feeling ever, being a wife, having a husband and a new name too! It is a novelty for sure and made me smile each time I said all of the above. Make the most of that feeling and make your travels an extension of your wedding day.
You could also delay opening your cards and gifts (if you are lucky enough to be in receipt of them) for after the honeymoon. The same goes for your guest book messages and special touches you may have organised on the day. We actually read our Jenga wedding guest book on our first year anniversary, which was super lovely.
Photo: Stevie Jay Photography via Arches Dean Clough Wedding
This may sound strange, but think about giving your house a good clean before your wedding, the last thing you want to do is come back from your dream honeymoon to a messy pad. Not quite what you want to be doing in the days before your wedding, but it will make things feel lovely when you return home.
Also, think about having a couple of days off of work after your honeymoon, it will give you a breather before going full force back into normality. Have a couple of lazy days, to relax, sort and catch up.
Be sure to add a date in your diary to hand write those thank you notes, it will be sure to give you that warm fuzzy feeling. Not to mention find some fun date night ideas.
Short Term Ideas
What are your hopes and dreams together as a married couple? Discuss it and think about what’s next for you both.
Perhaps it’s starting a family, or buying a new home or renovating your home, it could be a new career or simply creating a list of fun experiences, trying a new hobby, travelling or to-dos.
Of course, you don’t need to set into concrete what comes next, but having an idea of what is to come and things to look forward to can help you move on from the wedding planning. Book in that concert or experience, and vow to start looking into that new project after the wedding.
Long Term Ideas
Being open about your feelings and talking about them to others always helps. Talk to your other half, your family, your friends, it’s cliché but a problem shared is a problem halved.
I like to write a journal to get my feelings out on paper which always helps, or why not start a new blog or Instagram account for fun? Whatever you do just be honest and share your feelings with someone you trust. As I said before, if you feel it’s getting unmanageable please do seek professional help.
If you do suffer from the post-wedding blues, it’s a totally understandable feeling. It will pass and you will move forward from it. No feeling lasts forever.
Ways To Relieve Feeling Low
My experience – Louise Baltruschat Hollis – Editor – Whimsical Wonderland Weddings
Luckily the post wedding blues didn’t affect me. Long story short, our wedding was cancelled 6 weeks before hand back in 2010, due to panic attacks and anxiety I was suffering with. Fast forward 5 years and we tied the knot in a secret ceremony in the woods. So the relief and euphoria I felt post wedding didn’t end for a good couple of months. I was just over the moon to be a wife and Mrs Hollis finally. We tied the knot on our 10 year anniversary, so it was certainly a long time coming. I think it also helped that I didn’t want a hen do or any big deal surrounding our day, no one knew about it and we planned the ceremony within about 4 weeks. We then planned our after party with all our nearest and dearest within 3 weeks of the ceremony. We didn’t want to hang around so I wouldn’t get stressed or anxious.
Olivia – WWW Real Bride
The post wedding blues is an actual thing people! It’s really natural though to feel a bit down post wedding. I remember shedding a tear or two the following day when saying good bye to my family. The day was so perfect in every way, I didn’t want it to end. The best medicine for both of us (and our 1 year old son) was to get away. We pre booked a beautiful barn conversion overlooking the sea in Cornwall. It was really remote so we could spend quality time together as a family to process what has just happened. Make sure you give yourself time. Time to talk about the day, time to remember the little bits and time to get back to normality.
Jade – WWW Facebook Group Member
We decided to have a mini moon straight after the wedding for a couple of days and then to have our proper honeymoon a couple of months after. That way we could keep the excitement going (mini moon, getting our photos back, changing my name on my passport, going on our honeymoon and now we are waiting for our wedding video) because I think if I had done everything all in one go, as soon as I got back from it, I’d be so sad its all officially over. I planned my wedding for so long and now there’s nothing left to plan, I feel so lost haha. So starting to concentrate on other things like decorating the house or planning for Christmas has helped me ❤️.
Stacey – WWW Facebook Group Member
How could I have the blues after having the most perfect day of my whole life?! My wedding day went even better than I ever dreamed it could, it was magical from start to finish, I am so happy I now have those memories to treasure forever rather than the anxiety and stress of wondering if it will go well!
Yes I would love to relive it but ultimately I am just so grateful for the most amazing day spent with all the people I love!
We also still have our honeymoon and video to look forward to…we got our photos at the weekend and I am really enjoying going back through them again and again!
Jody – WWW Facebook Group Member
We got married in March and the time has flown by, there doesn’t seem to have been a chance to get the blues. I think carrying on with being busy has been a great way to see them off. I also had a good friend getting married in September so we got to help them which kept the whole wedding training rolling.
You now know why post-wedding blues happen and that it's a common experience.
If you are about to get married, you should now have some ways to help avoid getting the post-wedding blues and if you are experiencing them, you have some strategies to hopefully help.
The post-wedding blues should be a temporary feeling as life moves on, but if it isn't be sure to see a professional for some extra help. Its now time to enjoy your marriage together and that is certainly something to celebrate.
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