Image (c) 2010 Chris Barber Media
Now you ask, why would i talk about something so negative in a world of online wedding perfection. You are here on this blog reading because you are planning your wedding, excitedly plotting the details and dreaming of calling your partner your husband/wife. But the reality is weddings get cancelled.
I wanted to talk about this slightly taboo topic, because it happened to us. If you have followed the blog for a while now you will know that 6 weeks before our wedding, i called it off. We were due to marry on the 28th August 2010, after 6 months of planning and excitement. The reality of the situation was, i wasn’t up to it. I’d convinced myself i was better, but i had a set back and it all came crashing down around me. I had mental health problems and it just wasn’t worth me trying to get through a situation that scared me, while not potentially enjoying what is meant to be the best day of my life. Anyway enough about me…. i wanted to talk about my experiences and turn them into a positive by helping others.
Sometimes weddings get cancelled. There may be a hundred different reasons why, you and your partner may break up, you may have life changing events occur or you just might change your mind. Whatever the reason, it will be the most heartbreaking decision you will make, but you will come out the other side. Do what is right for you and not everyone else, your loved ones will understand. Thankfully G and I are and were still together, i cannot imagine the pain of loosing your fiance too, if this is you…. huge big snugly hugs (((())))).
It didn’t take G and I long to come out the other side and agree it was for the best., both for my health and financially. I was embarrassed for a long time, ashamed, and i felt stupid. I felt i had let everyone down, especially G. This is NORMAL. Especially when running this blog, to then turn 360 and say oh it’s off. To have to tell your loved ones is bad enough, but then when someone is an acquaintance and asks it all comes flooding back as you have to explain. You have to hold your head up and be honest. No one will look down on you, if anything they will probably realise how brave you are to make that decision.
When it comes to the practicalities, you need to let your vendors know as soon as you can and be prepared to loose your deposits. Please get wedding insurance, we had some but it wouldn’t cover my health problems unfortunately, but do do look into and and safeguard yourselves. I looked into selling off bits and pieces i had brought, vintage china sold on a wedding forum and went to a lovely bride to be. I sold my sisters bridesmaid dress on eBay, and a few other little bits and pieces. I still have my wedding dress… i listed it on a couple of sites but haven’t had any interest. In all honestly i haven’t seriously advertised it…. i know i could try and sell it through the blog but i am not sure i could face it. It sits in my wardrobe, 2 sizes to big, but i cannot imagine not wearing it. I honestly don’t know what to do. But at the end of the day the point i am making is, recoup some of the money if you can by selling the bits and pieces. Or save it if you wish, just store it away so you are not reminded all the time.
G and I don’t know if and when we will get married. I don’t think i ever want to plan a wedding again, in my mind i planned our wedding…. i couldn’t do it again. I would love to elope but G won’t let me as he thinks i will regret it. I honestly don’t know ,but at the moment we have no plans to get hitched. I get down about it sometimes, but i remember how lucky i am with my little family, and i feel secure enough in our relationship not to need a marriage certificate. It would be lovely yes, i so long to call G my husband… in fact i feel emotional now. But i have realised it’s not the be all and end all… it is about your relationship and the love. Not the details, decor and the dress or the fairytale day.
You probably think this is a mad thing to say being a wedding blogger, yes i adore pretty weddings but i wouldn’t if the bride and groom didn’t love each other. This may sound totally twisted, but i kind of live through the gorgeous couples on this blog. I live through their wedding dream, their story, their day, as i don’t see myself ever being there. Is that wrong? Or does it mean i appriciate what they are doing a tiny bit more? I’m not sure, but i know it has helped me, dealing head on with something i could have hidden from. Don’t shy away and feel like you should stay away from weddings, as it will come and face you at somepoint and you will struggle.
I hope one day we will be married, when or where or how i don’t know. But i know G and I are going to be together forever, and getting married is just another day… one day to cement that. I’m pretty sure come 28th August 2011 i will be feeling quite sad… but i know it will be ok. If you are going through this, have been through this or unfortunately do cancel your wedding… it will be OK. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad… you will be happy. Don’t forget to email me if you need someone to talk to. I think i have covered most bases there…. if there is anything i have left out do leave your advice below.
I really hope this has come accross well and that it has helped anyone out there in a similar situation. I’m scared and emotional right now as to what you think about what i have said. But i hadn’t spoken about it and thought i should :-) Big big big love xoxo
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